Breaking the Presidential Mold

Praise Trump for busting open

the doors of opportunity for more

inexperienced celebrities to run

for president. Sanitation engineers

throw their soiled gauntlet down

beneath the banner, “Taking out

the trash.” Gardeners claim only they

can make the economy grow. Serial killers

promise to dramatically slash spending.

Billboard workers tout their skill

with producing clear signs. Hunters

assure voters the buck stops here.

Navvies can run a tight ship of state.

Teachers can go back to the drawing board

until they have a solution. Magicians

make elephants in the room disappear.

Couriers know how to get there within

half an hour or your money back.

Pizza delivery guys keep the economy

piping hot. Farmers will hoe the hard

row and only count fully hatched plans.

Businessmen and lawyers can take

a long rest while the unqualified

assimilate the to-dos of governing.

Cartographers will map out their dreams

while artists draw new lines in the sand.


    • Breaking the Presidential Mold
    • One Good Emergency Away
    • Pomo Pinocchio
    • Undocumented Downsides
    • When Are We Now?
    • Can’t Stop With Just One
    • Arsenal of Hail Mary’s
    • Rooms Furthest From A Source of Power
    • Boilerplate For the Hero’s Journey
    • Forget All This
    • The Opposite of A Heliotrope
    • Flyover States
    • Thirteen O’Clock Briefing
    • Quixote’s Baggage
    • Carnivocracy
    • Mutual Fondness Macro
    • The Donald Trump of Poetry
    • Questions From the Poet At the Press Gaggle
    • From Heartland To Wonderland
    • Mouthquake
    • What Happened In Sweden
    • Strings Without A Symphony
    • Obfuscation Mantra
    • Addressing the False Rumors of America’s Fall From Greatness
    • The Apprentice’s Sorcery
    • POTUS, Inc.
    • Teeing It Up On Golf Course America
    • Things To Do With the Constitution
    • The Importance of Heroes
    • Misadventures With Tools of Measurement
    • The Last Man On the Moon Turns Out the Lights
    • Born To Shadows
    • Trump’s Fifth Avenue Serenade
    • The Proper Administration of Platitudes
    • Us vs. Them On Light Bulb Replacement Night
    • The Candidate of Walls
    • Inescapable vs. Unavoidable In An Election Year
    • Gabriel of Traffic Violations
    • Crow’s Inauguration
    • Creation Myth of the Trumpanation